Okay, so if somebody else’s disappointment is not about you at all, what should you do if someone tells you they’re disappointed in you? First, get yourself out of your own vision and imagination and into your own reality. I do this by stating facts to myself. “Josie says she is upset. I am experiencing tightness in my chest.” No stories about what this may mean or who’s right or who’s wrong.
Next, listen to what the other person is telling you. Get a clear picture of what they wanted and what they want now. Then ask yourself, do I want the same things? “She’s upset I didn’t call her back in 24 hours. Do I want to be the person who calls someone back in 24 hours?” Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t, but I do want to connect to this person and show them that they mean a lot to me.
Tell them what you want, tell them what you’re willing to do, and then apologize if you feel that’s necessary. None of this requires you to feel bad about yourself.
If you do want to make a change, SCHEDULE AN HOUR TO THINK ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THAT CHANGE.
Do NOT tell someone you are going to do something differently next time unless you are COMMITTED To spending the TIME to unravel your behavior.
Why an hour?
Because you need to write down:
A. The trigger for your behavior (or lack thereof)
B. What you thought
C. What you FELT
D. What you did
Then you need to decide:
A. What you want to do differently
B. What emotion will help you do that
C. What thought will help you feel that
D. What TRIGGERS you can put in place to help you think that thought.
If this sounds like a lot of work, that’s because behavioral change is hard!
But it can also be fun.
If you’ve got several behaviors you want to change, or if you like the idea of taking control of becoming the person you want to be, you NEED to consider working with me in a 1:1 coaching relationship.
I’ll help you find incredible clarity about how to DO, BE, or CREATE anything you desire.
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