I’ll bet my buns that you were pressured to perform when you were a child.
That you were doing things a little….differently….than other kids, and that your parents, or your teachers, or your peers PRESSURED you to sit still, or pay attention, or learn, or behave the way everyone else did.
And that you were INTENSELY AFFECTED by that pressure. So much so that you began to internalize it and pressure YOURSELF in an attempt to avoid the displeasure of the people around you.
ALMOST ALL OF US WITH ADHD have experienced the internalization of intense pressure to conform. We had to work extra hard just to meet AVERAGE standards of behavior, so we used HIGH LEVELS OF STRESS to make it possible.
And it worked! (for some of us lol).
We were able to adjust some of our behavior. Bump up our grades. Stay quiet in conversations. Appear “normal”. Ish.
Until we became adults, and the shizzle hit the metaphorical fan because now there were a MILLION different opinions about what we should be doing, and no right answers. And our only coping mechanism was PRESSURE. So we pressured harder.
Until the pressure itself became so painful that we started running from it.
Scrolling. Eating. Drinking.
AVOIDING OUR LIVES.
But here’s the thing: Pressure is the OPPOSITE of the technique we ACTUALLY needed as children…AND NOW.
It SHUTS OFF the creative center of our brain – the part that is DYING to come up with a GREAT way to do the laundry without hating existence, or a super creative way to combine our bible time with our exercise, or the brilliant realization that unless our kid plays in mud every day, three baths a week is FINE.
Pressure won’t let us realize that.
We need to reverse the pattern that has been running since we were children.
Our parents just didn’t know how to help us.
It’s not their fault.
They were dealing with all of the trauma from the ways THEIR parents didn’t know how to help THEM.
But we get to stop this cycle.
We can offer OURSELVES what our past selves REALLY needed:
1. Unpressured acceptance and love that refused to compare us to others or define our worth by our achievements.
2. Belief that we can do ANYTHING we want, WITH THE BRAINS GOD GAVE US
3. Unhurried time to CREATIVELY SOLVE for our struggles in a way that works for US, not OTHERS.
When we do this:
We find peace
We see that God was taking care of us all along
and we become capable of getting whatever we want.